the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
