help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
