Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
