can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize