They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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