Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Randomize
