and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ÂŻ\\(ă)/ÂŻ
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
His name isnt in my phone as âSatanâs spawnâ for no reason. #devildick
Randomize