I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
