erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
