dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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