remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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