okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
