he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
