She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
