I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
