I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize