i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
