no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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