he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
