So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
