im six kinds of drunk right now
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
