Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
