I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
