I've blown a few things in my day
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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