go do what you do best...puke behind churches
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
