Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
