Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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