I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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