I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize