he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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