the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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