I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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