He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
