OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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