DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
