You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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