So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
