Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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