I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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