Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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