Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
