i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
