shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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