There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
