Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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