That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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