my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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