I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
