I like to think it a success when the cops are called
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize