google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
