I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
