And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
