if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
