So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
