Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
