I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
