Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
you made out with another girl for some wings
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
