Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize