Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
