When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
