How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
