I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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