I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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