I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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