i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I touched a dick in church today
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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