piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
