Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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